This past weekend, I was invited to my great-niece’s 2nd birthday party. Nothing unusual, right? Except this party wasn’t just any gathering—it was hosted at my former sister-in-law’s house, shared with another ex-sister-in-law, my ex-husband, and his latest four boys. Also attending was my former mother-in-law, a brother-in-law, a whole crew of nieces, nephews, great-nieces, great-nephews, and step-grandkids. Whew. That’s a lot of family, especially for someone who hasn’t attended a gathering in a while.
Truth is, up until a couple of years ago, the kids and I regularly showed up for all the family functions. It wasn’t weird. It wasn’t awkward. It was family. My ex lived in another province, so he was rarely around. But life happens. I moved. The visits stopped. And now, here I was, stepping into a space that used to feel familiar, wondering how it might feel today.
I didn’t know what to expect. Would I feel uncomfortable? Would it be tense seeing my ex again after all this time—especially now that he’s back in town with his other children? We don’t talk unless there’s a family emergency or I’m tracking down our oldest son, so I had no idea how the energy would flow.
But what I walked into… wasn’t tension. It was grace.
The little ones came running with hugs. While the boys looked confused, unsure who Joel (my youngest) and I were. My ex’s boys hadn’t seen us since they were babies. They looked at us like strangers until someone said, “That’s your big brother and sister’s mom, and this is your other brother.” And suddenly, everything shifted.
They lit up.
Within the hour, the eldest was joking about trading one of his brothers for Joel. And the “brother being traded” started begging me to take him! They had only just met me, and already, they wanted to come home with me. I laughed. It was innocent and sweet and totally unexpected. And soon enough, they were in front of their dad, pleading for a sibling swap. The look on his face? Priceless.
But what touched me most was the fact that these boys, who didn’t know me from anywhere, still felt something genuine in that moment. They didn’t know my history with their dad. They didn’t care about the past. All they felt was love.
Later in the evening, I found myself in a deep group discussion with my ex, his mother, and his elder sister. We were talking about biblical history, science, and life. It felt familiar, like old times—but softer, more thoughtful. I later learned that my ex had been hiding upstairs earlier in the evening, not because of me, but because of tension with someone else in the family. It reminded me that we all have our battles—and sometimes, grace means not taking everything personally.
Here’s what I want to say to every single parent who might find themself in a similar situation:
Let grace lead. Not for your ex. Not even for the family. But for you. For your peace. For your kids. For your growth. When you walk into a room full of history, grace becomes your best accessory.
See the innocence in the children. No matter how things ended with your ex, their children are not responsible. They don’t need to carry the weight of old wounds. If anything, they need to see that love still exists—even in complicated spaces.
Don’t fear the room. You might walk in nervous. You might brace yourself for cold shoulders or awkward silences. But sometimes, what you walk into is love you forgot you had… or healing you didn’t know you needed.
I didn’t expect to leave that birthday party smiling. But I did. Not because anything magical happened. But because grace showed up. And when grace shows up—you walk out lighter than when you walked in.
I firmly believe that in every situation no matter how difficult , God extends grace greater than the hardship, and strength and peace of mind that can lead us to a place higher than where we were before.
